Complete Perfection
by Khepri
Summary: The bishounen better watch out 'cause finally all Mary-Sues are revealed in a collection of one-shots. Sesshoumaru meets his true love, Miroku settles down and Naraku turns to the light among other things. Better take notes to know what to avoid.
1. Beware, Sesshoumaru

**Author's Note:** Oh yes, we all love Mary-Sues _so_ much that I couldn't resist writing a story all about them! –giggle-

-gag- I feel sick already. Mary-Sues are by far the vilest things that inhabit the dark corners of this world. –a loud hurrah! of agreement is heard-

If you have any ideas for other Mary-Sues that I should write about, tell me in a review (along with what you think about this chapter and story in general) and I shall describe in great detail the disgustingly perfect creature that we all love so much. 

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It was an incredibly average day. The sun was shining, clouds were floating aimlessly in the sky, and Rin was staring blankly at Jaken for the fifth time that day.

"Rin isn't a shrimp. Jaken-sama is. Jaken-sama is smaller than Rin!" the young girl-child declared, a huge smile coming to her lips as she came to this conclusion.

"Me? But...but...Me lord! Tell her to let go of my head!" Jaken stuttered as Rin grabbed him in a tight hug while repeating the phrases, "Shrimp! Jaken-sama is a shrimp!"

The Lord of the Western Lands just watched, laughing inwardly at this odd sight. He would have called the girl off, but instead, a new smell drifted on the wind to his delicate nose.

Hmm. . . It smelled like a youkai. Yes, a dog youkai. A female. And she must have been approaching quickly for the scent was rapidly becoming stronger.

Suddenly, without any warning, the most beautiful creature in all of Feudal Japan leapt down skillfully from a tree, flipping several times in the air before landing in front of the taiyoukai. 

"Get off my lands, mongrel! I'll slash your throat out! I'll rip your eyes out through your nose and stuff them in your ears! I'll destroy you!" she screeched, instantly beginning to foam at the mouth. Despite this, and the fact that her eyes that were normally an incredibly rare, exotic, mysterious, seductive, entrancing, enchanting, vivid, dark, beautiful, gorgeous, unique gray had turned fiery, dangerous, murderous, angry, bright, electrifying red, she was still the most beautiful creature that ever existed, every will exist -and if anyone disagreed, she sulked attractively before skillfully cutting body parts off them.

The great demon lord watched her rants and would have on normal occasions either left the insane beast to scream or killed her, but since she was the most intriguing person he had ever seen, he couldn't do either. Instead, and very randomly, he made a startling confession to her.

"You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. I love you. I want you to be my mate and I want to have crazy animal sex with you every night and make you Rin's mother because, although I've never thought of it in the least before, she desperately needs one."

Like magic, the female calmed down. She brushed invisible dust off her kimono for nothing, nothing, could seriously damage her image. She could destroy anything she came across and hadn't killed Naraku yet because she was secretly a detachment of him, but had rebelled and escaped even though he probably possessed her heart. But, he decided to give it to her because she was just too perfect of a being to be controlled by anyone. 

So, without a single strand of her silky, raven, coal, midnight, charcoal, long, ebony, shining, flowing mane of hair that cascaded most gracefully down her back to her ankles out of place, she threw the most dazzling of smiles at Sesshoumaru who in return felt his heart melt to a pile of goo similar to what happens to a popsicle that's left outside in the summer.

"Oh, well, -giggle-, if you put it that way, I really can't object, can I? I mean, I've only known you for a few seconds, but I feel this connection like I've known you my entire life! In fact, just because we love each other so much, I won't kill you like I was going to earlier! -giggle-," the creature of perfection said in a high-pitched girly voice.

Rin and Jaken had mysteriously vanished and were probably devoured by some sort of monster because they are no longer relevant to the plot. Forget Sesshoumaru wanting a mother for Rin, right now, all that mattered was that his heart of ice had been melted and that he knew that, for the first time in his life, he loved someone. And that was the demon before him...who's name he should figure out.

"My love, your beauty surpasses that of the sunrise, you are, by far, more powerful than I could ever wish to be. For sparing my life and being my soul mate, a part of me that I never knew I would need until this moment, I must know your name," he demanded, saying more in all of five seconds than he usually would in five days.

"Oh -giggle- my name's Marisu!" she said with a girlish laugh that was like the chiming of bells on a summer's day that swept over the hills musically. After all, there's no way she could have a loud booming laugh or an annoying snorting one. She was what she said, a Mary-Sue. 

Without any warning, Marisu dramatically threw a hand to the back of her head and gave a melodramatic wail while falling into her new lover's arms. 

"No! We can't be together because, alas, I am engaged to marry another! My parents, the horrible demons that they were, beat me each night -even though I have no scars to show for it- and want to marry me off to another man! I only just escaped and found you and now I cannot go back for the love we share is something I can never loose!" she said, sudden sobs raking her entire thin, slender, delicate, curvy, lithe body. 

Sesshoumaru's heart broke and he hugged her tightly to him, never once impaling her on the spikes that burst from his breastplate because they magically disappeared as they hugged to allow them to stay in each other's arms.

"Who is this demon you speak of? I'll kill him for nothing can come between the love we have!"

"He is a demon lord whom I have never met, but I have heard that his name is Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands!" she wailed, in complete agony because she thought that she would never again see her true love.

"But...That's me! We can still get married after all!" he said delighted. Instantly, Marisu's tears vanished and beamed happily at him.

"Oh, hoorah! I knew nothing could destroy the spontaneous bond that we share!" she proclaimed. Sesshoumaru smiled, blushed, and did every other thing that's out of character for him as the two laced hands tightly and skipped off into the sunset to enjoy the rest of their life.

------

Sesshoumaru: That was the most degrading thing that was ever written about someone as great as I, Sesshoumaru.

Khepri: Face the facts, hun, that's the kind of stuff most people write about you.

Sesshoumaru: …I, Sesshoumaru, feel violated.


	2. InuYasha's True Love

**Author's Note:** This is actually really fun. A lot more fun than I thought it would be. Who woulda thought that I could get such a kick out of making fun of people? ^__^ And thanks for all the reviews! –squeel- I got so many! –does happy dance-

_Pasta Head_- Yeah, I did notice that Sesshoumaru-sama can be a bit Mary Sue-ish sometimes, but he _is_ the Lord of the Western Lands and I don't know how important that is, but it sure seems like it would be! So I guess he does have to be pretty darned perfect for that job, doesn't he?

_Cloud-Bahamut_- My parody of the Mary Sues out there is just getting started. –evil grin- And I decided to use your suggestion for this chapter along with making a transfer student as everyone seems to be suddenly. You like?

_Vilja_- Couldn't agree with you more there. That's part of the reason I'm taking my time on my "long term story." I don't want to bend Fluffy's character at all. He's just too perfect the way he is. 

_whooshO_O_- -discreetly hands you lighter fluid- It'll help. ^^

_Sesshy stalker_- Sesshoumaru: -eyes widen and begins rocking back and forth- Happy place, happy place, I need to be in a happy place… Me: Don't worry about him. He hasn't been alright since the first chapter. Your review gave me a laugh. 

If I forgot anyone, sorry. I'll be sure to get it in the next chapter. And, from what I've seen, no one noticed that the first Mary Sue's history didn't add up. How could her parents have beaten her if she was a detachment of Naraku? But, if you look carefully, you'll find that many Mary Sue's pasts never add up.

And, all the characters are going to be called Marisu from now on although they'll have no relation from one chapter to the next.

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Marisu was a gorgeous girl, newly transferred from America to visit her best friend and half cousin on her mother's sister's brother's niece's great-aunt's stepbrother's side of the family. Her Japanese was flawless although she had only been studying for roughly six months before moving to spend the rest of her high school years with her half cousin on her mother's sister's brother's niece's great-aunt's step-brother's side of the family, Kagome. Both of them were eagerly awaiting the beginning of a new school year and Kagome also couldn't help but secretly look forward to the time when she'd take her...uh.... half-cousin to Feudal Japan to see InuYasha and the others. 

"Oh, Marisu, I'm so happy that you're here. And I can't wait for you to meet all my friends. You've met Yumi and the others, but I haven't shown you Sango, Miroku or -dreamy sigh- InuYasha yet," Kagome said, sitting with her back against her bed and a dreamy look on her face.

"Kagome, I'm so happy that you invited me! And I can't wait to meet everybody! Do you think they'll like me?" Marisu asked, concern filling her large chocolate brown eyes.

"Marisu! Don't be silly! They'll love you!" Kagome insisted with a nod.

The next day, Kagome went down the well, taking Marisu with her although that would be completely impossible because Kagome, as a human, can only get through the well thanks to the power the Shikon jewel shards give her. But Marisu was special, in fact, no one knew this, not even Marisu herself, but she was the reincarnation of Midoriko, the most powerful priestess who ever existed and was able to purify countless demon souls. 

Is it really surprising that Marisu would be related to such a powerful person? Of course not, sillies!

"Feh, what took you so long, wench? You said you'd be back in three days and it's been three and a half days!" snarled the half demon, InuYasha as soon as Kagome stepped out of the well.

"I'm sorry InuYasha, get off my back! My half cousin on my mother's sister's brother's niece's great-aunt's stepbrother's side of the family came to visit and I couldn't exactly leave her behind and I couldn't bring her right away either! She's jet lagged!" Kagome shouted back, hands balling into fists.

At this moment, Marisu, who was also ten times as beautiful as her ancient self, stepped out of the well beaming and wearing a skirt that could rival Kagome's in length.

"Hi! I'm Marisu! I'm Kagome's half cousin on her mother's sister's brother's niece's great-aunt's step-brother's side of the family and her best friend! Who are you?" she asked sweetly, not being fazed by the long description that she had to give to show how she was related to Kagome.

InuYasha, on the other hand, was completely smitten and couldn't take his eyes off her or her gorgeous curvy figure. There was no way that she could be chubby or twiggy without a chest. No, Marisu was perfect in every way. And everyone knew that and loved and respected her for it.

Miroku was quicker to react by leaping to her side, placing his hands over every part of her body that she could touch and instantly throwing his favorite question at her.

"Oh Marisu, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met! Will you do me the honor of bearing my child?"

And, of course, Sango wasn't the least bit fazed that _her_ man was hitting on this new girl even more than he ever hit on any other woman after meeting Sango. Instead, she came to Marisu's side, eyes full of respect and awe.

"I can tell that you must be a great demon slayer! Perhaps you could teach me a few techniques even though I was the best in my village that was very well known for being full of first class demon slayers?"

Just then, to ruin the perfect mood, the newest incarnation of Naraku who was even worse than all the other incarnations before him put together, came running up out of no where. The others had hardly drawn their weapons before they were all thrown to the side with a powerful attack.

Marisu was the only one left standing with a look of grim determination on her face. 

"InuYasha! Don't move!" she commanded sharply as the hanyou tried to move to protect her, completely forgetting about Kagome who was barely conscious beside him.

As the demon prepared to attack and destroy them all for good, Marisu extended one of her perfect hands and, eyes narrow in concentration, determination, valor, chivalry and all other good qualities that she possessed, a beam of pure goodness left her palm and pierced the demon's palm. Instantly he was killed along with Naraku and all his existing incarnations and minions.

Feudal Japan was saved, thanks to Marisu!

She ran over to InuYasha, falling to her knees beside him and cradling his head on her lap. Her half cousin on her mother's sister's brother's niece's great-aunt's stepbrother's side of the family (and best friend) wasn't the least of her worries now. Who cared if something happened to her? She couldn't let InuYasha die!

"Marisu, you're alright," he gasped.

"InuYasha, don't talk that way! You'll be fine!" she pleaded, tears flooding attractively into her eyes.

"No, that demon, he...Marisu, I'm dying," the hanyou was barely able to get out before keeling over dead.

"No! InuYasha! INUYASHA!!!" she screamed, burying her face in his chest and bawling her eyes out. It was her tears, the tears of purity, innocence, and, most importantly, that fell onto his red haori and within moments, he was brought back to life.

"...Marisu?" he said weakly -and probably rather muffled too because she was bending over him so that her curvy, full, bouncy, voluptuous breasts were shoved into his face.

"InuYasha! You're alive!" she said in delight, brushing the tears out of her eyes.

"Of course I am! Forget about Kikyou, my first love, or her reincarnation that everyone knows that I love more than life itself, you are all that matters to me," he declared, sitting up and pulling her into a tight, loving embrace.

"I knew you loved me, ever since we first met only moments ago!" Marisu said, so happy that she was beginning to cry once more. Seeing as all the other characters that were near death have strangely vanished, become deaf, mute and blind or just don't care about what's going on, the two people shared a most tender moment before locking their lips in a kiss of emotion, passion, and true love. 

-Insert extremely corny make out scene followed by some sugary sweet vows of passion and devotion-

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InuYasha: OO''

Kagome: …InuYasha? You ok?

InuYasha: OO'' –twitch-

Kagome: oO Poor guy…


	3. The Legend of Marisu

**Author's Note:** Haha, another chapter. And, I'm sure none of you will believe this, but I ran across someone's story that was –quite literally- exactly like the spoofs I am writing except hers was serious. It wasn't supposed to be a spoof, it was her story! It was about some ghetto Bronx girl who loved the colors pink and lavender, dressed like a slut and a bunch of other things like now. Kami have mercy.

_b7-kerravon_- A Marisu/Miroku fic as you desired. Is it to your liking?

_Alatril Carnesr_- -bows- Thank you, thank you very much.

_Just Me17_- Poor Fluffy-sama. It makes me want to huggle him tightly. Now there's an idea… And heaven forbid that you betray …uh…your half-cousin etc. 

_Death Boo_- I don't think I'll be writing any high school parodies because I'm concentrating more on Mary Sues as characters, but I might do one if I run out of ideas.

_Verg_- I'll try and put that in one of my fics. Although, since I don't know Japanese very well, I'm sure the terrible Japanese part will be easy!

_whooshO_O_- Yesh, everyone knows that he has "sexy dog ears" as my friend says, but Marisu shan't have him!

_EEevee_- Don't let this completely stop you from reading fanfics with original characters. _Occasionally_ you'll come across one that's tolerable, but those are rare and far between. (I would insert a shameless advertisement of one of my fics, but I'm not going to. I don't like forcing people to do anything.)

_Fyyrrose_- Basically the same thing I said for EEevee. About 95% of OCs are Mary Sues, but there will occasionally be one that's someone that you can really connect to and, on those occasions, it almost can be worth the torture of seeing so many bad fics. (And I'm not talking about my story because, although I might like it and some other people might, I know that not everyone'll find it brilliant.) A great way to see if a character is a Mary Sue is to put her through the Mary Sue test at www.mettesart.com/inuyashams_test.html.

_Akankhsha_- Yesh. Glad you took time from your schedule to read the story that I'd been ranting about.

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Once there was a legend. The legend of Marisu I'msoperfectandeveryonelovesandadoresme. The legend said that the entire country of Japan was once threatened by thousands of demons that poured in from God-knows-where and began slaughtering all the innocent bystanders. Well, there was a girl named Marisu who was the lord's daughter and, as fate would have it, one day she was chosen to be the human sacrifice for a 10-hour peace treaty between a dingy band of survivors and the heartless demons. As soon as the ugly, mutilated, disgusting, monstrous, deviant, diabolical, gross, synonym-of-disgusting-that-was-found-in-an-online-thesaurus creatures laid eyes on the delicate Marisu, they instantly begged for mercy from their evil ways and disappeared from the planet.

Marisu, however, was sealed up in a diamond crystal to be released when a hundred's years passed and her true love was able to counteract the sutra that bound her. (A/N: Talk about a wonderful set up. Houshi-sama, your cue's coming up!)

The poor hentai, who would soon be taken advantage by a vile type of black magic that has only recently been named, had split from the others, deciding to take his own path in the search for the Shikon jewel shards. That and, even though everyone knew that he and Sango were eventually going to get married and then quickly follow it by several acts that would insure the continuation of Miroku's bloodline, he was so sick of Sango being everywhere. Couldn't the stupid woman leave him alone? It wasn't like he was in love with her, even though he had saved her once or twice from certain death.

Kami, you'd think she could take a hint.

Well, back to the plot now that Miroku's character has been more or less destroyed and its pitiful remains picked at by vultures representing a Mary Sue writer's talent. Our Houshi-sama just happened to be randomly walking near a village that had heard from another village that had heard from a traveling merchant that had heard from his mother that had heard from her great-grandmother that had seen it in a vision that had been brought on by drinking too much sake and watching her cat chase a mouse about the Legend of Marisu.

Naturally intrigued at the thought of finding a beautiful woman locked in a crystal prison where she could be violated without striking back, Miroku decided to go find the cave that held this crystal (because even after the story having been changed so many times, everyone knew exactly where the cave was) and see if the story was true.

Of course the story was true and of course he found Marisu, her perfect figure locked in a diamond prison that stopped the effects of time on her gorgeous body, and of course he was able to break the sutra that held her captive.

So insert a great scene of Miroku falling head over heels, groping her several times and asking his favorite question that would soon be followed by a scene of him and Marisu realizing that they were destined to each other. This would all be typed out, but usually the plots have huge gaps in them in which the reader must magically know exactly what happened and therefore exactly why Marisu isn't a Mary Sue and why it would make so much sense for her and Miroku to hook up. Boo yah, beeyotch.

Ahem, so, Miroku and his sex kitten decided to go and tell InuYasha and everyone else that they were sick of looking for jewel shards and they were destined to be together and planned on getting married that night and having wild sex in the trees.

Everyone took this news surprisingly well, even Sango who was deeply in love with Miroku for she had found another random guy who happened to be walking down the path (or maybe he was a random demon or a demon from the series that some people have the strangest, most twisted idea that they will fall in love) and he quickly became her next true love and soul mate.

"Miroku, I am truly glad that you have found happiness, but although there is another man in my life, I cannot bear the thought of seeing you with another woman," Sango said in an angst filled moment that would be the author's idea of coming up with a good reason for her to die or run away or a mixture of the two. "So, I have decided to go kill Naraku single handedly and avenge my family, save my brother, and then return to kill the whore that you are marrying."

"No! Sango! How can you say such things about my beloved?" gasped the monk in surprise.

However, he could do nothing to stop Hiraikotsu as it slammed through Marisu's precious body, instantly ripping her apart and attractively spreading her remains in a ten-foot parameter. 

In his grief, Miroku used his wind tunnel to suck up all the living beings within a thirty foot parameter and then, was about to use it on himself because there was absolutely nothing that he could do nor was there a reason to live after the death of his beloved when, suddenly, Marisu rose from the dead!

Hah! She wasn't dead, she was only playing 'possum because, since she was so perfect, she could easily bring her body back together! What, did any of you really think that Marisu could die? And, if she did, wouldn't she die in the arms of her lover while saying that he should forget her and move on although she didn't mean it and knew he wouldn't?

Crying with happiness, Miroku hugged her tightly -not even thinking about touching inappropriate body parts- and said through his tears, "Oh, Marisu! What would I do without you?"

-------

Miroku: Sango, you killed her for me? You really do love me!

Sango: -blush- Well…I…She was a Mary Sue! What else should I have done?

Miroku: In light of recent actions, would you consider bearing my child?

Sango: Hentai! –slap-


	4. Kouga's Loveable Dominatrix

**Author's Note:** God, it's been a ridiculously long time since I last updated this thing, hasn't it? Sorry, I'll try more often, but I just got lazy. Oh, and FYI, I'm going to be out of town from June 9th to June 27th, so don't expect any updates between those dates. This chapter is a bit more vulgar than the others, so turn the other way, kiddies!

_Death Boo:_ Yeah, I probably would do a spoof on AU/Highschool fics, but I'm focusing more on Mary Sues right now than bad story lines. (But maybe I'll start a bad storyline spoof when I run out of ideas for this.) And I've heard that Ayame doesn't appear in the manga from one of my manga obsessed friends, but maybe she just hasn't gotten to that volume?

_CometsChaos:_ Glad you like it.

_RedHop:_ I would, but I don't remember what it was called. I think I blocked the worst of it from my memory. That's how horrible it was.

_Cloud-Bahamut: _I decided to use your Kouga/Marisu idea 'cause it was the first I got. ; What do you think of Dominatrix!Marisu?

_Just Me17:_ Well, duh. Why else would he save her? –shakes head-

_EEevee: _Hey, if all else fails, you can just drop the main character in the bottomless plot hole.

_Ravenclaw Falcon:_ Despite what you're asking, I don't think that I should be the one shoving a burning dagger down my throat. And, it's good to know that I've got some hate reviews. It means I've hit a nerve. Ta, love.

_Corisu Li:_ No way was I going to let this fic die. I've gotten too many reviews for that. And I love making fun of bad characters too. Is that a crime?

_Sarah, Simply: _I think the problem is they don't realize how horrible they sound.

_Fallingkag: _Glad I gave your stomach muscles exercize.

Oh, and I think that in an upcoming chapter, I'll add some really bad Japanese and bad grammar and spelling, but does anyone have any ideas for a "plot" or who Marisu should torment next? And what do you think of my little character interactions at the end of the chapters?

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One day, Kouga was walking around. It really doesn't matter where he was walking, but, just for the sake of moving the story along, let's pretend that he was walking in a forest. Now, back to the plot-less story.

As our wonderful wolf youkai was walking, he suddenly realized that there was a strange scent in the air. There was another youkai in his lands and it wasn't one of his men! By now, the readers have decided that this forest is in his lands even though his lands are various mountains and there aren't any forests around.

Because Kouga's nose is a super, dooper wolf nose, he was able to instantly discover that the youkai was a female, fairly young, and incredibly pretty. How he was able to realize that she was pretty from her smell is irrelevant although it does leave the reader thinking. But, he also realized that the youkai was incredibly powerful and therefor posed a threat to him and his wolves.

And so he was off, running at top speed towards the smell of the strange, beautiful, female youkai. Of course, as he got closer and closer, he also began to smell water. The readers collectively gasp as they wonder what is going to happen next.

Kouga skidded to a halt as he came across the most beautiful wolf demon he had ever seen in his life. Her long, black hair tumbled down to the small of her back and was tucked behind her gorgeously pointed ears and her skin was perfectly tan. She was bathing in the springs that suddenly appeared on his territory and, as soon as she sensed him behind her, she looked over her shoulder, piercing him with her exotic, red eyes.

Instantly, Kouga knew that he had stepped where he shouldn't have stepped. Somehow, the female managed to dress herself in all of .25 seconds and leap at him, ready to scratch his eyes out.

"Heeennntttaaaaiiiiiii!!!!!111!!!" she shrieked, clawing at him with her perfect claws. Even though Kouga had the shards of the Sacred Jewel jammed in his legs, he couldn't dodge her swipes or just run away with his tail between his legs.

"No! Wait! I wasn't trying to watch you! Forgive me!" he sputtered, trying to protect his face with his arms. Finally, for a reason that was not inclosed, the woman stopped attacking him and stood a few feet away in a dominatirixy/tough/I'm-a-big-threat-to-you sort of way. It was then that Kouga realized that she was wearing the strangest of clothes. Rather than furs or a kimono or armor or something that a Japanese person would wear, she was wearing a leather skirt and corset with random chains and armor plates that obviously were only for appearance. (A/N: Think Xena: Warrior Princess.)

"Who are you?" the stunned wolf prince asked as he tried to absorb all her beauty, even though that was completely impossible.

"Marisu Tougherthanyouandyourmama," the wolf replied in a nonchalant, dangerous, sinister, mysterious, seductive, entrancing tone.

Suddenly, Ayame appeared because the author didn't know what else to do and she ran to Kouga's side, completely ignoring Marisu. "Kouga! You promised to marry me! Why won't you uphold your vow?"

The redhead said dozens of other things around those lines that told the readers that she was a pathetic, whining brat that should be tranquilized. By the time she was interrupted, her character was so destroyed - even though the author didn't know what she was like to begin with and had only heard about her - that they really couldn't care less about what happened to her.

"Listen, bitch. Get away from the wolf or I'll fucking tear your stupid pigtails out, understand?" Marisu said threateningly although she had no reason to care what Ayame was doing. But that's beside the point. She was tough and had to tell the whole world.

"Kouga, she's being mean to me! Make her stop, Kouga!" the girl whined, squeeled, snorted and wheezed.

Marisu, on the other hand, was much less than impressed. "I'm not going to fucking tell you more than one fucking time, whore. I beat Sesshoumaru in a duel with one hand tied behind my back, I saved seventeen and a half villages from Naraku and I killed all of the Ancient-Demons-That-Nobody-Has-Heard-About when nearly dead from their toxic poisons. Don't think that I won't beat you too."

Ayame blinked, tilting her head at the formidable opponent and then asked curiously, "What happened to the other half?"

Having absolutely no reply, Marisu simply killed Ayame by using several attacks that were described in fragmented sentences.

"Now, do you have any questions or do you just want to kiss the ground I stand on and grovel at my feet?" she asked menacingly.

"I'll kiss the ground you stand on and grovel at your feet," Kouga replied, not wanting to become lunchmeat.

Let's just skip forward in time, shall we? Partly because the author will sooner or later run out of ideas or draw the story out into an epic of 47.65 chapters, each worse than the last, it is inevitable that Kouga and Marisu will realize that they love each other. And, of course, Kouga has forgotten that he claimed that he loved Kagome. Ho hum. That wolf can't remember anything, can he?

"Hey, Kouga," Marisu said one day while leaning seductively, sexily, mysteriously, erotically and devilishly on a rock. "I can see the jewel shards so let's go in your cave and have some kinky, badly written, S & M type sex."

"Hot damn."

And so the two slunk off towards Kouga's cave where they proceeded to do just that. Of course, that is where the problem came in. Because of Kouga's dominant instincts and Marisu's aggressive, dominatrixy personality, both were tops. Damn, what now?

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Kouga: Ayame… I'm scared. Hold me!

Ayame: -pats Kouga's head- Shh… It's ok. –a few moments later- So, by the way, when are you going to marry me?

Kouga: -gets distracted by a passing butterfly and doesn't answer-


	5. Come to the Light, Naraku

**Author's Note:** Here's what I've decided. You can tell how flat or developed a Mary-Sue author is by the size of her character's breasts. The larger her character's breasts are, the flatter she is in real life. (So, if I were to write a Mary-Sue, she'd be like a DDDD or so.) Has anyone else noticed that?

_Velchan: _-bows several times- Hey, what else can I do but make fun of 'em? I mean, I can't go torching the stories, so I might as well flame/make fun of them in my own way, right?

_EEevee: _Good thing you didn't ask or Dominatrix!Marisu would've killed ya. Poor Ayame.

**Disclaimer:** It's about time I did one of these isn't it? I don't own InuYasha and co. because if I did, I wouldn't make fun of them. And I really don't know what Ayame's like nor do I have any grudges against her. Sesshoumaru isn't my sex slave, I just have him locked in my closet and chained under my bed on occasion. Marisu, however, is mine, but she is inspired by the wonderful –coughyeahrightcough- Mary-Sue authors out there who need to get a serious grip on reality.

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Marisu was a beautiful girl. When she was born, the Fluffy Rabbit Fairy of Complete and Nauseating Goodness kissed her. Flowers sprouted everywhere she stepped and all hearts melted as she walked by. All in all, she was a perfect angel, descended on earth to rid the world of all evil.

By the age of twelve, she was known throughout Japan for being a healer. She fixed the broken legs of the poor, cuddly forest animals and fed the homeless and even comforted the abused and neglected. There was just no end to her bubbly goodness. Warriors put down their weapons to ask for her hand in marriage, but she always declined. She just couldn't leave the side of her lovely... uh... service receivers.

But things were about to turn horribly horrible for the poor Marisu. The readers all roll their eyes because they're over come with sorrow and apprehension. (A/N: Yeah right. Oh, sorry for the interruption.)

Naraku sat evily in his evil lair of evilness. Just by sitting there, he looked so evil that a mouse walked by and died of fright and several bugs fried as if being engulfed by a street light and Sesshoumaru began whimpering.

Wait, Fluffy-sama, what the hell are you doing here? You already were tortured!

".... I really don't know."

You're ruining my story! GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

Ahem, so, where was I? Oh, that's right; Naraku was sitting around evilly and acting all evil. But was he bored. Trying to kill InuYasha and Kagome or destroying Onigumo's heart so he'd stop lusting after Kikyou were such monotonous things. He needed something new to do.

"I am so evil. There is no one who can stand up to me. Bwuahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!2357345!!!!One!!"

"Am I interrupting something?" asked the powerful, evil, satanic, twisted, corrupted, 3v!l Kagura who was casually standing in the doorway and watching Naraku as he began laughing oh-so evily.

"-hahaha Hack! Wheeze! Choke!"

Kagura raised an eyebrow and made a confused expression as Naraku continued writhing on the ground until finally he hacked up a hairball.

"See, I warned you about wearing that monkey suit. People really don't have respect for someone who dresses and acts like they've devolved."

"Shut up Kagura!" he ordered, squeezing her heart that had conveniently appeared in his hand.

The wind sorceress began spazing and clutching her chest in pain. The young woman who was at her side in chains and ropes and muzzled more than Juuromaru (Or was it Kageromaru? And are those names even spelled right? Ah, who cares. Maybe I should add a random "-tsu" at the end of them to make them seem even more Japanesey.) looked on in fear. Oh yes, she was scared, but she forced herself to look brave and strong and like nothing could phase her.

"Kagura, who's that?" Naraku drawled, lazily said, casually asked, boredly inquired.... you get the picture.

"She -scream of pain- is the girl that AAHHH!!!! you asked me to capture. IT BURNNNSSS!!!! AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!"

With no further reason to be in the story, Kagura keeled over dead. Hm, maybe Naraku should've stopped squeezing her heart. But he couldn't help it. The girl she had brought him was just captivatingly, stunningly, inhumanly beautiful. Now, Kagura probably would've looked pretty, or at least delicate, lying there on the ground with her soulless eyes closed and her body spread out like a fragile porcelain doll, but who cares about her?

"W-who are you?" the insanely evil demon asked, staring with his mouth down to the ground and drool trailing out of it.

The young woman tossed her head fiercely, even though she had just watched him accidentally kill someone and not care, and answered defiantly, "Marisu."

Naraku was conveniently drowning in his own pool of drool and was lost for words. Even though this woman was drop dead gorgeous with voluptuous breasts even by anime standards and silky hair that would make any Panteen Pro-V commercial proud and a curvy body that porn stars would fight over, he was not lusting after her in the least. Oh no, he had fallen, tumbled and dropped head over heels in love with her. Pay no attention to his pants.

As he began gurgling something, probably "HELP ME, I'M DROWNING IN DROOL!" but definitely not "OH MY KAMI! A MARY-SUE!! KILL ME NOW!", Marisu leapt forward, the chains, ropes and muzzle - speaking of muzzle, how did she answer his question? The intelligent readers begin pondering this - turned into beautiful, rare, exotic, errotic.... whoops, ignore that last word.... flowers that tumbled around her gorgeously and made her look like an Amazonian warrior without the warrior bit. So she looked like the Amazon. Oh yeah, that was a look all women wanted. Oh, straying from the topic again? Forgive me.

Right, so Marisu leapt forward and began mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to save the poor Naraku. (A/N: Ok, ew. He's drowning in his own spit and you're sucking the lips off him. That's disgusting. I think I'm scarred for life. I'll have to go shag Sesshoumaru or something to make myself feel better. Wait, did I type that?? Oo;;) Of course, she was pretty much thrusting him into her very well developed breasts and shoving her tongue down his throat, but it was CPR. She had just enhanced it. The readers now wonder exactly how Marisu was famous for "helping" all the people she "helped." And where in the hell she got plastic surgery in the middle of Feudal Japan.

Too logical? Don't worry; it'll tone down a bit.

"Hmlerhhhhgggnnnfffgghh!" Naraku said, chewing the lips of Marisu's face.

"Sorry, what was that?" she asked sweetly, pulling away from him and cradling his head in her arms.

"There's no reason for me to be evil! I love you! I'm yours! I'll be pure and innocent and pure and innocenter!" he vowed.

"No, I must make you pure."

A cricket chirped somewhere and Naraku raised an eyebrow. "WTF?"

Marisu began glowing beautifully and not a sort of "I have radiant Saint Ives improved skin" but an "I'm literally glowing like an iridescent lightbulb." Naraku gasped in awe and -cough- fell in love with her even more. Suddenly, she placed a hand over his heart and all the goodness went rushing out of him through... his belly button. Yes, just like that. WOOOOSSHHH!!! All the evil was gone in a black cloud of blackness. And it entered the nearest host it could find which was... uh... uh... hang on. -the audience holds their breath in suspense as the author plays a game of eenie-meenie-miney-moe between Sesshoumaru, Jaken, Kikyou and Kagome's grandfather (Hey, I needed another person, alright?)- The horrible evilness swiftly entered Sesshoumaru! No... wait... Jaken who was much too close to Sesshoumaru, but no, it was really Rin! Yes, Rin who was chasing Jaken who ran to Sesshoumaru to hide got the blast of the evil evilness!

Rin instantly sprouted horns, fangs and her irises turned red, her white part of the eye turned black and she asked Sesshoumaru for a pet demon of hell that would take over the world. Sesshoumaru got starry eyes and began crying because his little girl was growing up and was beginning to be evil just like him. Maybe she'd have thousands of rabid fangirls one day too! Uh.. Make that fanboys. Or maybe fangirls too. It's all good.

So Marisu and Purified!Naraku lived happily ever after. Of course, somehow Naraku was still a demon even though it doesn't really make any sense. But does any of this make any sense? Seriously, why someone would want to suck the lips off Naraku's face is beyond me and why someone would....

End Chapter

And why someone would.... -author is whacked over the head by Evil!Rin who drags her to her evil demon to be lunch-

---

Normal!Rin: Uh… Khepri-san, why is a demon eating your leg?

Me: Don't ask. I've had one helluva day. –is half burned from miasma- Don't go anywhere near Naraku. He's really pissed off.

Naraku: I need to kill something! You! Author! You're on my list.

Me: Shit. –runs-


	6. Sango and Kagome's Infatuation, Garisu

**Author's Note:** Just saying right now, this chapter happened because I was sick of writing about Marisu so I decided to introduce her elusive brother, Garisu! (Gary-Stu) Not sure how funny it is, but Marisu was making me really sick and I needed a break. (Can you blame me?) Oh, and who loved how I accidentally wrote that all of Naraku's goodness went rushing out instead of evilness? Yup, my bad. I should proofread my chapters better. So now Naraku is a great big glob of neutralness.

_Corisu Li_: Glad that Naraku provided you with some amusement. And Evil!Rin was supposed to be odd. I chose her because, well, I didn't feel like doing things that made sense. ;

_Fallingkag_: I loved your review so much that it inspired me to write this chapter all about Garisu. Haha, thanks.

_Kristine Batey_: I was thinking of having a neko youkai in one of my chapters. Maybe she'll torture Sesshoumaru. Again. And the link you gave me didn't work so I wasn't able to enter the competition.

_Kotono-Chan_: Thanks for your support. Oh, and by the way, who – or what – is Shichinin-tai?

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"Osuwari!"

"Ow! Stupid bitch!"

"Osuwari times infinity!!!"

Poor InuYasha who had probably done some really stupid thing like usual got flung into a hole in the ground that was halfway down to the planet's core. No one really knew why. All InuYasha had done was say good morning to Kagome and she had spazed on him. Maybe she was PMSing. But does it matter? Kagome sitting InuYasha was a great way to start a story or chapter when the author was suffering writer's block and got some cheap laughs from the BadFic!Fans.

"Uh... Lady Kagome... wasn't that going a bit extreme on him?" Miroku asked timidly. Thank God he didn't have a "sit" necklace on him or he woulda been flung into the ground before he could move. And since he's only a human, it would probably have killed him. And then Sango would have been sad and killed Kagome or herself. Then who would be left? Shippou? There's not much adventure if the series is called "The Baby Fox and the Search for Revenge!!" Takahashi-sama would only do that if she got really, really desperate.

Suddenly, in the middle of all the tension, Kagome froze and looked out to the distance. "I sense a Shikon shard coming. FAST!"

Sango raised Hiraikotsu and stood beside her. "I do not sense an evil aura."

"It doesn't smell like that wolf turd," said InuYasha who had somehow gotten himself out of the hole unharmed and stood by her. So now the whole Inu-gumi as the fangirls and BadFic!Fans heart calling it was standing in a line. Very impressive. -shifty eyes-

"OSUWARIIIIII!!!111!!!!235651!!! BADLY DONE EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!$3#%!!"

Then, all of a sudden without any warning except for what the characters had been saying, a hot, sexy, magnificent, dramatic, hot, yummy, powerful, emotionless, loving, caring, self-contradicting, hot, I-wish-I-had-one-like-him-gimme, orgasmic, hot demon appeared infront of them. How he appeared I'm not sure. Maybe he flew. Or teleported. That's the new "it" thing to do.

"Is there a problem?" he asked in a deep, low, seductive, manly, sending-shivers-down-your-spine voice.

Kagome almost swooned as soon as he spoke to her and her eyes suddenly popped into giant hearts. All she could do was stand there, hands clasped together and jaw dropped open. Basically she looked like a girl who had just run into Orlando Bloom after - or while he was still in - a hot, steaming shower. (A/N: I think he's a total pretty boy who would be useless for anything except looking hot. So I might not get the heart eyes, I might just tackle him and start making out.)

Sango, who had raised Hiraikotsu when she heard the demon approaching, suddenly dropped it and narrowly missed having it come crashing down on her own skull. _Hot damn, this niggah be lookin' fiiiiiiine!_

Hang on, since when does Sango speak fluent ghetto? I didn't know there was a ghetto in Feudal Japan. Hm, maybe that's where the badass people came from. Oh! I know! The Western Lands is really code for the ghetto! Alright, Sesshoumaru is really a ghetto pimp and since Sango's a demon exterminator, she has to speak fluent ghetto so she can understand what all the demons are saying when they talk to each other! Oh, snaps, yo!

The said demon looked over at Sango and, just by smiling, flexed his rock hard chest and stomach muscles that made Sango want to go all gushy like Kagome did.

"Lady Sango?" Miroku asked, tapping her shoulder when her eyes didn't leave the demon's pelvic area. Was it her fault? He was wearing tight leather pants with a big, sexy metal belt and no shirt. Any girl this side of the grave would be salivating.

Miroku's tapping finally got her out of her trance and she blushed like she never had when he flirted with her and began looking through Kagome's backpack for something. Yeah, 'cause that really made it seem like she wasn't blushing. She finally stood, holding an old fashioned coke bottle and stared at the cap blankly, having no idea how to open it.

The demon walked over, took it from her hands and opened it by latching the cap under his heavy belt buckle and pulling. His back and arm muscles rippled as he performed the minor task and suddenly Sango had hearts for eyes just like Kagome did.

"This demon is incredibly powerful, InuYasha," Miroku whispered to the hanyou. The two had so far escaped the black hole that eats characters that are no longer relevant! That means they still had some use in the story. But what could it be?

"This demon isn't going anywhere near Kagome!" InuYasha growled in a valiant attempt to be chivalrous. "TETSUSAIGA!!!"

Ah, that's what they were still here for.

The hanyou slashed down with his sword at the demon's head, but he had quickly jumped out of the way, faster than evil Kouga could. Between his skill in battle, his complete yumminess and his luscious shining - but not oily - blue, green, orange, red, purple, yellow, pink, brown, black hair, he was beginning to remind the audience of someone. But he couldn't be a Mary-Sue! -GASP- What if he was Mary-Sue's elusive brother, Gary-Stu?!?!! What would the Inu-gumi do? Sango and Kagome were already under his spell and the others had absolutely no chance to beat him!

WWWSSSSHHHWWRRRGGGAAAKKKCCUULLLZZZAAWRRRR!!!

Yup, there was the black hole sucking in a couple more characters that no longer had any reason to be in the story. Poor InuYasha and Miroku, We shall always remember you in our hearts. At least, until another Gary-Stu comes along and we are over come by his orgasmic hottness.

"Relax, bitches, you're with Garisu now," the demon said, wrapping an arm around each girl's waist and acting all badass and like nothing had happened. 'Cause all demons are badass or ghetto in these badfics. And they all have rippling muscles. I'm sure the whole "compensating for a lack of chest" that female authors do goes just as much for their male counterparts. I'm sure that all Gary-Stu authors are either girls who are creating the ultimate boyfriend or scrawny little computer nerds who couldn't bench press a bottle of coke - much less open it on their belts with their back muscles rippling.

The two girls suddenly struck the most ridiculous dominatrix/whore poses imaginable. Sango had flung off her kimono and was in her taijiya uniform minus the armor so it was like some uber sexy, modern catsuit and Kagome had hiked up her already short skirt and ripped off a few inches from her top along with the sleeves and made it show a lot of cleavage.

The audience all collectively gasped. Garisu was really the horrible pimp demon in disguise! He was famous for luring beautiful women away from their lovers and friends and making them his sex slaves! What would happen to our heroines now?????/?? Badly done question marks!!

Garisu suddenly teleported back to his evil lair of evilness and added the girls to his harem. (Already in it were Kagura, Kikyou, Ayame, a grown up Rin, and every other girl in the series who wasn't an old hag even if she was already dead like Yura. He could resurrect them, duh.)

Because there was no plot in this story to begin with and because the readers are all collectively scratching their heads, the story ends with a giant cliffhanger that really really sarcasm really makes the readers wonder what could happen to all these women.

The answer is obvious of course. They were all going to be the sex slaves of this manly, sexy beast and have huge orgies each night. Yup, watch out for Garisu. He's much harder to find than his sister, but when you find him, boy, you never ever escape his clutches.

And, of course, there was no one to stand up to him because absolutely no one knew where he was and no one could hear the sounds of people ... acting like horny rabbits day and night. And no one could stand up to him. He was just too manly.

The author and a few of the readers who haven't swallowed their tongues in horror snicker and wonder what would happen if he met Sesshoumaru or another almost girly looking demon.

ClIfFhAnGeR!!#64!#$!!!!!!!!!!!!

-------

Kagome: ... What just happened?

Sango: ... Were my eyes... hearts??

Miroku: Why does this guy get all the fun? OW!

Sango: -twitchtwitch-


	7. I Come With Peace

**Author's Note:** So I'm back to Marisu! Yay! … Wait… o0; Ahem, I only got one review on my Garisu chapter, so either everyone hated him or fanfiction was acting up when I updated and so no one else read that chapter. (Hopefully the latter of the two because I'd hate to think that a parody could suck so much that no one would want to review it.) There will be another chapter with Garisu later on, but that's all I'm saying! Now, I'll shut up and let you read about Marisu who makes everything perfectly perfect! And yes, I am aware of the horribly horrible Japanese in this chapter.

_Bittersweet-memory_: Thank you for reviewing. –hughug- My only review. –le sob- I know this will make you happy; this story is far from being finished.

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Marisu was lying in a field, the tall, green, emerald, not-at-all-sharp-and-pokey grass being swooshed over her head and around her body by the beautiful breeze that always appeared whenever the author needed to make a scene more romantic, mysterious or a character more horny, beautiful and seductive. Ph33r the author's mad omnipotent skills. Rawr!

Suddenly, a loud voice boomed all around her. It was like the ground had started speaking to her. Or maybe the sky. Whoever it was, Marisu was not scared.

"Maaaarrriiiiiiiisssssuuuuuuuuuuu...... Mmmmmmmaaaarrriiissuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!" it thundered, making the earth shake and several birds simply fall over dead from fright.

Marisu, being a rather stupid - I mean fearless - girl, simply stood, her hair blowing around her like she was in a magazine and said, "Who are you?"

"Maaaaaaarrrriiiiiissssuuuuuuuu... HOLY FUCK OW!!!"

The girl's green, blue, red, orange, yellow, indigo, violet, brown, black, purple, fuscia, pink, yellow, orange again eyes widened. "What happened?"

"Sunburn. Big time. Happens when you live in the sky and act all mysterious."

"Oh."

Several crickets chirped and tumbleweed blew by. Suddenly, the voice spoke.

"Where was I?" it asked.

"You were saying my name in a really scary way to make the readers fear for my life," the girl said, looking up from the nails she was filing on the edge of her uber powerful sword - without accidentally slicing off any fingers, of course.

"Oh, right. Maaariiiisssuuuu!!!!! You are needed to bring peace to the Feudal Era!!!"

She stood - even though she was already standing, she stood again - and looked around in the sky, hopelessly trying to find the speaker. "What must I do?"

"Keep spinning."

"Huh?" she asked, wrinkling her petite, delicate, dainty nose.

"I have a really good view down your kimono from up here."

"Oh, alrighty!" she said all sweet and perky before rotating her shoulders and throwing her voluptuous chest out. "What must I do, oh Horny Speaker in the Sky?"

"Like hell I know. Figure it out on your own."

Marisu knit her eyebrows together in cute confusion as a loud WOOSHing sound sounded through the area and the voice disappeared just as mysteriously as it mysteriously came. The mystery was overwhelming.

"Bring peace to the Feudal Era, eh?" Marisu murmured to herself and the cute and cuddly forest animals that had appeared around her. With a delicate, beautiful hand, she began stroking the head of a Bambi style deer and other animals that don't even exist in Japan. "How could I do that? OH! I know!"

The girl smiled sweetly to herself and the animals, the pure goodness of her appearance healing all their injuries and hate towards each other and even resulting in a wolf smiling at a rabbit without trying to eat it in one and a half bites.

-enter mysteriously mysterious music and a scene change-

"InuYasha?"

"Nani?!"

"The ramen..."

"Nani are you talking about?"

"You ate my fricking ramen, you idiot!!!" Shippou finally screamed, not being able to take any more of InuYasha or the broken Japanese that he was suddenly speaking.

Just when InuYasha had grabbed Shippou by the tail and began pummeling him to within an inch of his life while screaming, "Nani in Kami's name are you talking about, kitsune no baka????" a beautiful, melodious, echoing, entrancing, gorgeous, sexy, seductive, kind, melodious, gentle, serene voice said, "Stop, my hanyou friend."

InuYasha froze, though probably at least partly because he hadn't realized that there would be a person on this earth who would call him "their hanyou friend." In the second that followed, Shippou ran to the safety of Kagome's arms.

Guess who appeared just then. Drum roll please.... YES! No other than Marisu! The girl who had the mission to bring peace to the Feudal Era!

"Who are you?"

"My name is Marisu," the girl said, looking at the mismatched group with sad, doe-like eyes that she probably stole from the Bambi deer because he was more cuddly than her. "None of you realize what trouble you are in." 

"Nani in Kami's name are you talking about?"

"InuYasha! You sound even more dense and idiotic than you really are!" Miroku said loudly, although there was no reason for him to be loud. InuYasha was only a few feet away and had super dooper doggie ears so he could hear a flea sneezing a mile off. So how was he unable to detect Marisu's presence before she spoke? ... Who cares?

"The trouble you are all in!" she said, eyes filling with crystalline tears that threatened to spill and tumble down her cheeks as small, glittering, watery diamonds. "The way you are going, you're doomed to die lonely, sad, depressing, melancholy, sad, synomym-of-sad-found-in-an-online-thesaurus deaths."

Instantly, the entire cast knew exactly what she was talking about and looked at each other with sad, doe-like eyes that could almost rival Marisu's. Almost. Nothing could ever truly rival a Marisu. Nothing. Zip. Nada. Zilch. Squat. Nothing, understand?

The miko otherwise known as Kagome burst out in tears and threw herself at InuYasha, clinging to him and sobbing in a way that would have made him run off screaming if he wasn't near tears as well - guys never cry for real. They are always near tears or so frustrated that they're going to punch down a wall before they will actually cry.

"InuYasha! I love you!" she sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks. "And I hate when you disappear to find Kikyou and - and- and- I LOVE YOU, DAMMIT! Why won't you love me??"

InuYasha's heart broke at the sight of Kagome bawling in his arms - or maybe he just felt a tinge of horror from what Marisu was inflicting upon them - and he held her tighter, but not to suffocate her, just to make her feel safer. "Kagome... I don't know how to say this... but.. I love you too!"

As the two were wrapped in each other's arms and making out passionately now that they had discovered each other's love for the other other and each other was happy for the other other - even though Shippou would technically have been squashed between them - Miroku turned to Sango and let out a long, sad sigh.

"Sango, my beautiful youkai taijiya demon exterminator, I only run around after other women to chase them off. It's a confusing thing, but I figure if I throw myself at them and get them to drop dead at my feet, it'll somehow make them stay away from me so they'll be away and we can be together because that's the right thing, how it was rightfully meant to be in the right way."

"... Wow, that was deep. I might like you after all."

"I thought so."

Crickets chirp.

"So... do we make out now?"

"Hell yeah! - I mean, of course my beautiful coraly coral."

The readers all beam in delight at the Japaneseyness of the Japanese words and the fluffyness of the fluff. Hoorah!

But wait! What about Marisu? Oh, she had disappeared to find another couple to put together. See? Marisu, with her long hair and her love for nature and all the forest animals was, of course, a Feudal hippie! Come on, guys, wasn't it obvious with the whole "all you need is love" thing she had going on?

Speaking of love, who else did she have her -cough- magic to work on? Kouga had to remember that he proposed to Ayame... Sesshoumaru had to save Kagura from Naraku.... Naraku had to turn "good" and have Onigumo confess his undying love to Kikyou while she stole Houjou from Kagome since Kagome stole her boyfriend from her and... Rin and Kohaku had to become destined to be as it was destined by destiny and... that was about it, wasn't it?

So, 72.9901 chapters later, with all her work done and no one in Feudal Japan fighting because they all loved each other, Marisu spontaneously combusted in a shower of hippie flower power flowers. And all the couples were happy, or at least too preoccupied with the loves of their life to fight each other.

That's when Sesshoumaru took a breather from screwing Kagura and remembered that InuYasha had Tetsusaiga.

----

InuYasha: ... Thank God Sesshoumaru took a breather then.

Miroku: Actually, no. Contrary to what you think, InuYasha, your brother taking a "breather" is not at all beneficial to us in the long run. With him trying to kill you, and the rest of us having to keep that from happening, we will be unable to give the women in our lives the attention that they rightfully deserve for being around us and putting up with our less flattering habits and I also highly doubt that you wish to detach yourself from Kagome's lips, am I correct?

InuYasha: ... o0; ... Yeah, whatever you say, monk.

Miroku: I thought so.


	8. The Shichinintai Falls Prey

**Author's Note: **This chapter probably is a little more controversial than the others seeing as it's about Marisu convincing Jakotsu that he's straight. Just for the record, I want everyone to know that I am not homophobic and that I do not hold anything against homosexuals. My stories poke fun at everyone (well, Mary-Sues at least). Phew, now that that's over with, I can get onto the review responses.

_Corisu Li:_ I loved writing the Sango/Miroku bit. ; They're my second favourite pairing, after all. (Kagura/Sesshoumaru being the first.)

_Quiet Escapist: _I'm thinking of having another chapter with Garisu. Maybe when he runs into the –ahem- more feminine men in the series. But he will make another appearance, have no fear.

_Bittersweet-memory:_ There is no way that I would give up on this story. It's an excellent way for me to rant and make fun of Mary-Sues without having various authors yell at me for "flaming" them. And I find it ironic that you mentioned Jakotsu, Bankotsu and Hiten because they're the characters that I wanted to talk about next.

_EEevee: _You want to use my character black hole? You can borrow it. I'll even give you a borrow one, get one free coupon. I mean, there are so many of them that it'll be impossible for me to run out. There are lots of plot holes too, come to think of it. But that really isn't the point is it? ; Heh heh heh… Glad to see that you didn't fall off the plane of fanfiction-ness.

[][][][][][]

Jakotsu was gay. He was not at all interested in having an intimate relationship with members of the opposite sex. He was homosexual, non-straight and about a dozen other words (each less appropriate than the last).

Oh, puh-leeze. He was just yet to meet the true love of his life that would make him realize that he had just been trying to find himself and that the self he had been trying to find was very much straight.

In other words, he needed to meet _her._

But before the joyous union could begin, Jakotsu had to be doing something of interest. Because Jakotsu had to be the "stereotypical homosexual" so that the readers would be constantly reminded that he was convinced that he was gay, he is randomly sitting in a field, weaving flowers in his hair and color coordinating his make-up and clothes.

The more intelligent readers begin to think that Jakotsu is acting more like a preppy nine year old than a grown up man, but they have no time at all to worry about that because the situation was just about to worsen... improve... change for an unknown result.

He began humming to himself a pretty little song and then, before he knew it, he got up and began dancing around, spinning happily, twirling merrily, getting dizzy joyfully.

That was when he heard the laughter.

It was clear, melodious, charming, sincere, happy, girly, chiming laughter that reminded him of the light wind blowing through a field of daffodils that had small bells tied to their leaves.

He stopped abruptly, looking around with surprise, confusion, miffedness and light shock. He was a fighter! A deadly member of the Shichinintai! How could someone have snuck up on him without him noticing?

So he continued looking around, intent on discovering who was watching him.

"Helloo?? Where are you? I know you're there," he said in a singy sing-song voice, looking behind trees, underneath rocks and behind flower petals.

The laughter sounded again and he turned around quickly, abruptly, startledly and very much un-like how a fighter would act. Rather than prepare to fight, he stood there, head tilted to the side and a clump of flowers in one of his hands.

In all honesty, out of everyone else, he was acting the most like someone would act when meeting a Mary-Sue: Completely shocked.

The girl before him was stunning, gorgeous, beautiful, hot, cute, sexy, magnificently carved from alabaster by a romantic god that wanted to create something that would make any man feel weak in the knees.

"Looking for something?" she asked, acting like a certain member of the Inu-gumi as the fangirls call it that always seemed to state the obvious.

He stood, dumbfounded, trying to take in all of her beauty without having his head explode. "Uh..." 

But one look into those watery, shimmering, innocent, curious, enchanting, becoming, come-hither, forget-me-not, why-are-there-so-many-hyphen blue eyes and he forgot what he wanted to say. She laughed at his confusion, shaking her head in mirth so that her long dark, light, medium, shining, silky, satiny, smooth, un-coarse, not-oily, Panteen pro-V hair so that the sun sparkled off the brilliant brown, mahogany, amber, oak, redwood, coffee, toffee, chocolate brown hair.

"You're kinda cute," she said, twirling a lock of her hair around a finger - her finger, not Jakotsu's... that would have been really, really awkward - and smiling. All she needed was to have some bubble gum and blow a big bubble and she'd be acting just like a ditzy girl from the modern times.

Jakotsu blushed, cheeks going as red as a tomato or a fire or a red flower or blood or a blush or ... a red thing.

"Oh.. Uh... Thank you," he stuttered, not quite sure what to say. Of course, he could have said "GO TO HELL!!!!!" and ran away, but it wouldn't have made any difference. Marisu had already all but taken out the spray-can and sprayed "Marisu's man!!" all over him, so she would end up with him wether he resisted her or not.

But he didn't want to. He couldn't explain it, but just one look into those beautiful, deep, mysterious, penetrating, sincere, innocent, child-like, super model eyes of hers did more for him than staring at pictures of topless InuYasha, Kouga, Sesshoumaru (with his left arm healed because it was a bit awkward looking at a guy with half an arm. It just made you think, "Hey, where the hell is his other arm? What happens if he has to tie a knot in something? Does he use his teeth?" and not "Holy shit, that guy's hot. Wow. Drool. Drool. Drool."), Bankotsu, Miroku and Inu no Taisho used to. And that was, obviously, saying quite a lot. 

Marisu giggled, tossing her hair over her shoulders and fiddling with the hem of the billowing sleeve of her kimono that was the deep blue of the ocean in the middle of the night of the new moon.

"Who are you?" she asked, a cute blush staining her cheeks a light crimson, pink, cherry, floral color.

"Jakotsu," he replied, almost forgetting his own name and then not being able to speak because, all of a sudden, he found himself strangely tongue-tied.

Her breath hitched and her eyes instantly misted over, as if she had just found herself in the presence of someone worth worshiping. "You mean, you're part of the Shichinintai??"

Jaktosu should have realized in that precise moment that her strange, morbid, twisted, inexplicable, surreal, strange, odd, weird fascination with the Shichinintai was not normal. But he couldn't help but suddenly find himself infatuated with her and, with his infatuation, he had lost all common sense and was acting as innocent as a newborn bunny rabbit. Not the Playboy Bunny because that thing could never be innocent, but a cute, cuddly, Disney style bunny.

"Yeah," he responded brightly, thinking that it would be a great way to show off to her. Suddenly feeling self-conscious about the flowers and color coordinating thing he had been doing although he'd probably never felt self-conscious at all before and he definitely had never thought about reconsidering the question of his sexuality.

Marisu did strange things to him.

And that was not meant to be taken in a strange way, you perverted readers.

... Honestly, all you do is say something and everyone just has to twist it and there you go! It's like pornography for the mind.

Freaks.

Tch.

Oh, right, the story. Marisu's eyes shimmered in delight and she leapt forward, taking Jakotsu's hand in her own and squeezing it tightly. "Oh! That's so incredible! I've never met a youkai warrior before!"

He chuckled uneasily, prying his hand away from her vice-like grip and clearing his throat. "There's nothing that special about me..."

"Oh, but there is! You are a fighter, a strong person who enforces his beliefs in violent ways and has no remorse for slaying all those in his paths! I'm sure that you're also misunderstood, lonely, neglected, were abused in your past..." Marisu trailed off, turning away as a lonely tear snaked its way down her cheek. She couldn't bare to let the man before her see her cry. She just couldn't. He was too happy to see her in her moment of sadness, depression and despair.

"Marisu?" he asked in concern, eyes brimming over with worry. Now, how he knew her name is a mystery because she never introduced herself to him, but it is pretty easy for the readers to brush this off as well as the fact that he suddenly decided that he was straight despite having known that he wasn't for a countless length of time.

"It's nothing," she said hastily, wiping the stray tear away.

"Please, tell me," he said sincerely, turning her so that she faced him. He put a hand under her chin, forcing her head up so that he stared deep into those entrancing eyes of hers.

She suddenly burst into tears, sobs shaking her svelte, but incredibly fit and curvy, body. "It's just my past! It's been following me since I was a child, threatening to engulf me in memories of pain, suffering, sorrow, sadness and horror!!"

"... Jakotsu?" came a voice from behind the youkai. Jakotsu turned to see Bankotsu standing behind him, an eyebrow raised.

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere! What are you doing in a field of flowers? Who's the wench?"

Marisu pulled her head up from Jakotsu shoulder and her jaw positively dropped when she caught sight of Bankotsu. The sun reflected off his armor and tanned skin, making him look completely irresistible and breath-taking.

"My, my, my, aren't you the stud," she purred, pushing Jakotsu away from her and latching her arms around Bankotsu's neck.

"Bankotsu... How could you?" Jakotsu asked, tears filling his eyes as he watched the love of his life smile in the arms of another man.

"Jakotsu, I'm sorry, but... I'm hotter than you," he replied with a shrug, tilting his head down to begin making out with Marisu.

A sudden black hole appeared behind Jakotsu and he realized his fate even before he was sucked in. He closed his eyes, willing to accept his fate.

_Dammit, shoulda just stayed homo._

[][][][][]

Jakotsu: ... -bottom lip begins to tremble-

Bankotsu: Yeah... Marisu does that to everyone. -twitch-

Jakotsu... _TT_

Bankotsu: You ok? I didn't think that this chapter would -

Jakotsu: BUT I'M GAY, DAMMIT!!!


End file.
